I AM A WHITE MAN

I urge you to please read this short essay I wrote about the things I have come to understand about our world and about myself, the things I find important and want to share. I also want to make it clear that this account provides a somewhat simplified, amplified and generalized perspective in which I seek to highlight what progress is yet to be made rather than what has already been achieved. This manifesto is a testimony to the legacy I inherited and to the revelation I have received and which I hope will bring change.

I AM A WHITE MAN

I am a white man.

I wish we lived in a world where the only implication of this statement consisted in specifying my complexion and gender. Much to the contrary, the vast expanse of the social universe, the space of human relations seems to gravitate toward the senseless sense behind this sentence, its massive, heavy contents drawing and imprisoning light from all around like that of a black hole. For some unfathomable reason, throughout history white men have, in one way or another, oppressed every other group of people – women and people of other skin color. It may seem that it has been like this since the beginning, since the very inception of human nature, but it hasn't. Nor is it an unfortunate result of a random accident, a self-sustaining mishap that has achieved enormous proportions. It has always been a man made thing, a system that requires regular nurturing, a ceaseless input of a mix of violence, cruelty and wrongheaded ideology.

Many years have passed, many generations have changed. And what readily manifests itself to the oppressed has become one of the underlying elements of our culture and our everyday life thereby hiding itself from the view of the oppressing side. Much of its destructive might was alienated and vested in the depersonalized system, a complex anonymous anastomosis of acrimonies at the core of our society, a faceless edifice whose robustness few dare to challenge. This transfer may take the blame off many shoulders and take the guilt off many chests, for many of the new generation never actively and intentionally contributed to constructing this system. But absolution doesn't lead to the solution. Furthermore, the vast and horrifying majority of us still sustain and nourish the monster by staying neutral in situations of injustice. We white men are blindly roaming this world, carelessly and awkwardly groping at the realities of existence. Any time a singular sanitizing thought encroaches on the premises of our reason we either fumble at processing it or allow the hefty legacy of several millennia draw the veil around our eyes and heads tighter so as not to see what we refuse to see. But this same pall wrapped around our heads suffocates us, for the natural order of things consists in being open to the outer world, open to ourselves and to the feelings of others.

A lot of things have changed of course. We no longer do many things we used to do and think many things we used to think. Countless walls have been taken down, numerous dividing gulfs have been filled to form the solid foundation for the brighter common future.

But in every corner of today's world there still are tokens of the crippled past, the seething reminiscences of the battlefield that our world once was. These are living memories, the ones that affect and shape our future. The world is still full of obstacles to freedom and equality. There are still many negative things that a woman or a black person may have to go through that a white man wouldn't even think of. Upon effacing the biggest and ugliest blots from the face of our civilization, we pretended that the smaller ones didn't exist. But these seemingly small smears are the most fundamental and persevering ones. The last ramparts last the longest. They are woven into the very fabric of our society and are incredibly hard to eradicate.

But they are not indelible. There is hope – and in fact, there is knowledge that the right natural order of things will reassert itself. It is incumbent upon us to act and to do our share for the common good. We white men need to learn to understand our privilege and learn to understand that we don't deserve it. And most of all, we all need to learn to stand in the other person's shoes and walk around in them. And the day we learn to do all that, we will have accomplished the ultimate goal of our civilization. The day the words 'racism', 'misogyny' and 'prejudice' become redundant and obsolete, the world will have become the place it has always had to be. In the meantime, we need to do our best to bring this day closer, to make it come sooner.

All of this defines who I am personally. This is the reason why I am a feminist. This is why I use every opportunity and every platform to speak out against racism, misogyny, prejudice and other forms of injustice, to advocate freedom and equality. This is why I'm trying to expunge casual racism and misogyny from my own acts and thoughts whereas the culture I live in mostly fosters their proliferation. And this is why I'm an ally of many groups I am not a part of. I want to live in a world where this necessary change has taken place and this is the kind of world I want my children to inherit. I don't want to be a part of an imposing entity in which I'm inadvertently forced to take away the light. I want to spread the light, I want to illuminate, I want to be the light.

Half of a Yellow Sun

I just finished reading 'Half of a Yellow Sun' by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
I got to know about the author when I was pointed to a wonderful TED talk she gave about feminism (KB, I can't thank you enough for introducing this great person into my life). Since then I have watched many other of her speeches and interviews, and I have been growing increasingly fond of her wisdom, fairness and firmness of her position. Ms. Adichie has become one of my role models.
But there was one thing still lacking – up until today I hadn't read any of her literary works, the works she is famous for. Her books were not easy to find in Russia but some time ago, by sheer serendipity, I got my hands on 'Half of a Yellow Sun' and 'Americanah'. I decided to start with the former.

I expected a lot from the book. And I have to say, not only has it fulfilled my expectations – this novel is so much more than I anticipated. An important, poignant story, something people should know and never forget, an all-encompassing encyclopedia of human emotions, ranging from love and lust to the ravages of the war. This I guess is a perfect example of what Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie herself calls 'emotional truth of fiction', the driving force behind 'humanizing history'.

In addition to being a great book, a masterpiece that will nourish my new-found thirst for reading, for me 'Half of a Yellow Sun' is also a source of inspiration urging me to study the history of Nigeria and other African countries, to eradicate my ignorance that naturally comes from living in the part of the world where African voices are barely heard, to avoid 'the danger of a single story'. I recommend this book to everyone, and I'm sure you will find a lot to enjoy and learn.

[Originally posted on Facebook on November 14, 2014]

Hiawatha Designs an Experiment

Here's a nice little poem I came across in my textbook on Econometrics. Enjoy!

Hiawatha Designs an Experiment

Hiawatha, mighty hunter,
He could shoot ten arrows upward,
Shoot them with such strength and swiftness
That the last had left the bow-string
Ere the first to earth descended.
This was commonly regarded
As a feat of skill and cunning.
Several sarcastic spirits
Pointed out to him, however,
That it might be much more useful
If he sometimes hit the target.
"Why not shoot a little straighter
And employ a smaller sample?"

Hiawatha, who at college
Majored in applied statistics,
Consequently felt entitled
To instruct his fellow man
In any subject whatsoever,
Waxed exceedingly indignant,
Talked about the law of errors,
Talked about truncated normals,
Talked of loss of information,
Talked about his lack of bias,
Pointed out that (in the long run)
Independent observations,
Even though they missed the target,
Had an average point of impact
Very near the spot he aimed at,
With the possible exception
of a set of measure zero.

"This," they said, "was rather doubtful;
Anyway it didn't matter.
What resulted in the long run:
Either he must hit the target
Much more often than at present,
Or himself would have to pay for
All the arrows he had wasted."
Hiawatha, in a temper,
Quoted parts of R. A. Fisher,
Quoted Yates and quoted Finney,
Quoted reams of Oscar Kempthorne,
Quoted Anderson and Bancroft
(practically in extenso)
Trying to impress upon them
That what actually mattered
Was to estimate the error.

Several of them admitted:
"Such a thing might have its uses;
Still," they said, "he would do better
If he shot a little straighter."
Hiawatha, to convince them,
Organized a shooting contest.
Laid out in the proper manner
Of designs experimental
Recommended in the textbooks,
Mainly used for tasting tea
(but sometimes used in other cases)
Used factorial arrangements
And the theory of Galois,
Got a nicely balanced layout
And successfully confounded
Second order interactions.

All the other tribal marksmen,
Ignorant benighted creatures
Of experimental setups,
Used their time of preparation
Putting in a lot of practice
Merely shooting at the target.
Thus it happened in the contest
That their scores were most impressive
With one solitary exception.
This, I hate to have to say it,
Was the score of Hiawatha,
Who as usual shot his arrows,
Shot them with great strength and swiftness,
Managing to be unbiased,
Not however with a salvo
Managing to hit the target.

"There!" they said to Hiawatha,
"That is what we all expected."
Hiawatha, nothing daunted,
Called for pen and called for paper.
But analysis of variance
Finally produced the figures
Showing beyond all peradventure,
Everybody else was biased.
And the variance components
Did not differ from each other's,
Or from Hiawatha's.
(This last point it might be mentioned,
Would have been much more convincing
If he hadn't been compelled to
Estimate his own components
From experimental plots on
Which the values all were missing.)
Still they couldn't understand it,
So they couldn't raise objections.
(Which is what so often happens
with analysis of variance.)

All the same his fellow tribesmen,
Ignorant benighted heathens,
Took away his bow and arrows,
Said that though my Hiawatha
Was a brilliant statistician,
He was useless as a bowman.
As for variance components
Several of the more outspoken
Make primeval observations
Hurtful of the finer feelings
Even of the statistician.

In a corner of the forest
Sits alone my Hiawatha
Permanently cogitating
On the normal law of errors.
Wondering in idle moments
If perhaps increased precision
Might perhaps be sometimes better
Even at the cost of bias,
If one could thereby now and then
Register upon a target.

Maurice G. Kendall

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running

I just finished reading this nice little book entitled 'What I Talk About When I Talk About Running'. I have long been a fan of Haruki Murakami, I guess his literary style just fits my personality. But I found this book particularly appealing – a quick and easy read, it can be dubbed, in the final analysis, as a memoir centered on the act of running. While providing an insightful glimpse into the long-distance runners' lore, it also imparts to the reader a collection of interesting facts about Haruki Murakami's life, past and present, recounted in an honest, unpretentious way. So if you're interested in this kind of story, the one that actually amounts to something from a philosophical point of view, yet does so in a very unimposing way and without the unnecessary superfluity, then I totally recommend reading this book.

[Originally posted on Facebook on October 8, 2014]

20 Facts About Me

Alright, here I am with my 20 facts. Depending on whether you like it or not, JJ is the one to thank or to blame hehe! But of course you’ll like them, right?

Fact Number 0. I’m usually rather wordy so you’ll just have to bear with me if I end up writing a book down here. But I can also keep my thoughts organized so I hope you’ll enjoy the thoroughly selected and meticulously systematized collection of the finest facts about me. Now ready, set, go!

1) Let’s start with the basics. As of now my full name is Ivan Vladimirovich Makeyenko. This bears a number of serious implications. Some of you may know that my last name is of Ukrainian origin. Well, I hasten to inform you that besides that I have nothing to do with Ukraine. Another interesting thing is that my first name is about as typical of a Russian person as everything else about me is not. Which brings us to the next fact.

2) I’m bilingual and multicultural. However, I’m not your regular bilingual person whose parents speak different languages, nor did I grow up in an English-speaking country. While we’re at it, the funny thing is I’ve never even been to an English-speaking country yet. How and why all of this happened is a long story and that’s definitely beyond the scope of this presumably tiny literary effort but I can say one thing, I have been speaking English since very early in the childhood and I guess it makes me a native speaker.

3) And we segue to another related fact. Since I went to a Russian school and I look Russian (you know I affect that intimidating frown, it’s hard not to do it living here), many Russian people prefer to ignore ‘my other half’. I guess they feel more comfortable that way because most of them definitely aren’t used to dealing with people who are somehow different from them. But that certainly aggravates me, because this ‘other half’ is as legitimate as the ‘Russian half’. Anyway I guess that’s why I can relate to people from other countries better, and I feel more like myself around them.

4) I love my family very much! I’m very attached to home and my parents, and we’re definitely best friends with them. I’m also infinitely grateful for everything they have endowed me with and provided for me, for all the love and kindness.

5) One of the most important things in my life is music and everything about it. I’m an avid listener of music, and I also write songs and record them. I sing and play a few instruments – guitar, piano, bass… oh and I can ring a bell too. The main musical influences in my life are the Beatles, Whitney Houston, Shakira and Alicia Keys. They have shaped my life in so many ways, in fact I can hardly imagine what kind of person I would be had I not fallen in love with any of these long ago.

6) I’m a nerd. More specifically, I’m a math nerd. Actually that’s how many people know me these days, but it wasn’t until a few years ago when I spent one year studying at the Faculty of Mechanics and Mathematics in Moscow State University that I really became one. Math isn’t just science, it’s philosophy if not religion. So that you believe me I’m even going to provide the formula I love the most: e^(pi*i)+1=0. Isn’t it absolutely beautiful? Oh my, it sure is to me!

(As one song goes, ‘Yes I am a nerd, bookworm, I’m studious,

From my cerebral cortex to my gluteus!’)

7) I embrace my weaknesses and call them uniquenesses! Lol, no actually I’m working on myself, trying to became a better person every day.

8) I’m a rebel. Just like it is for many of us, when you tell me not to do something, I automatically want to do it. At least that’s how it used to be. Now I got wiser, I only do what I want and deem reasonable or necessary, and I couldn’t care less about what others have to say about it. I guess that makes me a rebel too, on the new level.

9) Elaborating on the previous one, you can imagine how much trouble I had dealing with teachers in school. At least they involuntarily taught me not to listen to anybody. But that also makes me an inquiring mind, I’m always looking for the truths of my own.

10) As you can see I’m trying to keep some logic in the flow of these facts, so since I got to talk about school, let me say this. I definitely love studying, and even more than that I love learning. And neither of these two have anything to do with school. The way schools work both here in Russia and in many other parts of the world is kind of screwed up I guess, and it can be harmful to kids. I’m so glad my rebellious nature helped me survive the school years without my cognitive abilities being crippled.

11) All right, so much with the logical flow, let’s get to the spicy stuff! I know most people who do this 20 facts thing post something about relationships, romance and stuff like that. I’m usually very private and don’t share much of that with anybody but I’ll tell you one thing though. For those of you who haven't gotten it yet, I’m into black and mixed (partly black) women. I hope no one will get offended by this anyhow, no form of discrimination is intended. The most accurate (although a somewhat technical) description of this fact would be that statistically on average I find black and mixed women more physically attractive. This doesn't mean, however, that I won't ever consider dating, say, a super light-skinned Irish girl, it's just that it's quite unlikely. White girls, Asian girls, Latino girls and all other girls, you're pretty too, but that’s just how I roll. Anyway we may judge the book by its cover when we first see it, but what matters eventually is the contents. So what I care most about is what’s on the inside, and it’s not easy too meet my criteria and pass muster in that department.

12) I don’t drive. I don’t have a driver’s license. And I think I don’t need one. You see it’s like learning how to steer a 19th century galley, or learning how to type on a typewriter, that is – outdated. Cars should be self-driving and we’re getting there. I hope soon after I graduate from the university, I’ll get a car like that.

13) I value my privacy a lot. It became especially evident after I moved into the dormitory. I don’t get enough ‘me time’ here when I can be alone and contemplate. So I fiercely defend what’s left of my privacy. Don’t you dare use or interfere with any of my personal effects without my express permission!

14) Some time ago I developed a profound liking of history. Our present is the direct consequence of our past, and so is our future, I don’t know why it took me so long to figure it out. But now I really want to know more about our past, and the more I learn the more I change, I see the world differently now.

15) I’m very politicized. The world as we know it today is an endless turmoil of political events that affect every single one of us. I’m aware of that and I never miss an opportunity to talk about that.

16) I guess I have reached a certain age when I’m beginning to find answers to the most important questions. Even when I don’t have an answer I think I know where to look for it. The essential parts of my personal philosophy have already formed, I think I know why I am where I am and what the ultimate goals of my life are. And I’m very happy about that.

17) I love languages. I learned French in school for ten years but by now I forgot almost everything. In fact I don’t like it much, and the school is the culprit. But I think when I learn it the right way, things will be totally different. The sexiest of all languages is Spanish. I studied it for three months and learned it pretty much as well as French. Why is that? Shakira, Shakira! Just as it is true that her hips don’t lie, it’s equally true that she makes a man wanna speak Spanish! Shaki, mi casa, su casa!

18) I hate computer games! There aren’t many things I can say I hate, but excessive gaming is a disease. By "gamers" I mean those poor creatures who consider their virtual life to be more important (or at least as important) as their real life. People like that should be treated like alcoholics or drug-addicts and be put into rehab.

19) I considered encrypting these facts somehow, like make a little game out of this 20 facts thing, but then I figured nobody will actually decipher it if I try too hard (or at least nobody would want to bother), besides I don’t have that much time to do that, so I humbly present these facts laid out to you bare and unprotected.

20) The last fact in this list is that I could have been lying all along, and any of the above might not be true, you never know. Just thought I should say this cuz it’s a fact!

[Originally posted on Facebook on September 20, 2014]

Remembering Whitney

Just finished reading the poignant and touching story of an angel who descended upon this Earth, lit up millions of hearts around the world, but also burned her wings, and who now rests in a better place. A story nobody could tell better than her mother Cissy Houston. And even though the world lost this treasure forever, this book fills one's heart with gratitude, for we were blessed to have Whitney Houston grace this Earth. I definitely recommend this book to all the Nippy fans and those who want to know a little more about who this wonderful person really was.

[Originally posted on Facebook on September 13, 2014]